BY: MARK KONING
Dear Brain Injury,
Where did you come from? I never asked for you. You snuck into my head and caused a great deal of damage when I was a young boy, defenceless to your attack. You tried your best with your seizures and placing me in a coma. You robbed me of memories, physical strength, speech, and understanding. You made me feel trapped.
You tried to pull me into the abyss, but I would not go. I would not surrender.
With all that you stripped of me, I somehow made it back.
Maybe it was the love of my mom and dad, or my little sister who wanted her big brother back. Maybe it was my friends who wrote me cards and drew me pictures while I was lying there, motionless. Maybe it was something you just could never quite take away; my heart and my soul. My character.
Somehow you managed to shield yourself from my awareness and understanding. You did this for quite some time. And while I knew something wasn’t right, I just didn’t know.
I want you to know that despite trying as hard as I did and always, sometimes blindly, moving forward, you still made life growing up, difficult. Challenging. Torture.
But I kept moving.
I never wanted you.
But I kept moving.
People didn’t and still don’t, understand. I don’t necessarily understand.
But I keep moving.
You are an unwanted guest, still lingering after all of these years. Hiding in the shadows like a monster. In my weakest moments, or sometimes when I’m just not paying enough attention, you unleash your poison. You bring about the pain, the fatigue, the frustration and the tears.
It is hard for me to know that others don’t see my unwanted guest. It is hard for me to know that you refuse to leave. But despite these things, despite how tired and angry I get, I know. I am the strong one, you are the weak. This is my path; and in a weird and strange way, you are the one who is now trapped.
Because I realized something that I don’t think you ever intended; it is NOT the end. I am a Survivor. Not just of the initial impact, of my time in the hospital, but every day. I survive; I thrive; I learn; I grow. And when you knock me down, I get back up. I will ALWAYS get back up.
Truly, NOT yours,
PHOTO: MARK KONING
Mark’s passion to lend a helping hand, offer advice and give back has developed into a moral and social responsibility with the goal of sharing, inspiring and growing – for others as well as himself. His experience as a survivor, caregiver, mentor and writer has led to his credibility as an ABI Advocate and author of his life’s story, Challenging Barriers & Walking the Path. Follow him on Twitter @Mark_Koning or go to www.markkoning.com