FEATURED IMAGE: A woman makes a frame with her hands, she is looking out onto a large body of water.


In the shadows upon the wall, listening to the subconscious mind tell me what I need to do, I sometimes get drawn away from taking care of myself. I have been known to give myself ‘pep talks’ in order to make it over to the shower, or change my focus in some way.

I am a 3 AM Twitter-enthusiast, and try to search out inspiration from posts. But, inspiration to do what? A common theme drizzling down and collected on the walls, is the need for discipline. Most people can attest, discipline can carry you to heights you did not know were there.

When the work from discipline has been satisfied, you are tuning into your momentum and growing as you yearn for more. What is the best way? For me, the best way to gain discipline is to try to comprehend the possible results of actions, and to have goals to live positively for. If our goals tend to change (I am often guilty of this), take the time to write them down. I have notes and reminders all over my phone.

Once you write your goal down, it’s not a stone cold fact that cannot be altered; when life changes for everyone each day, goals may change too. They may grow. Yet, there still is something to be said about discipline. Naturally, life will respond with welcoming abundance when we learn to discover more. When we free our minds from anxiety and worry, while allowing the positive flow of energy into your life. Tension is no more.

I have decided not to be angry or worry about my physical disabilities. I will continue to have an open mind about life and believe in constantly improving myself with books and more knowledge. There is a river of wisdom out there, for which I can only hope to make a splash.

I ask myself, what is it I can do? Yes, in these moments of self-searching within, we need to make connections with our feelings— ask how and why. How can I reach this pinnacle? Why can’t they have hand rails on these stairs?

My daughter is finished pre-kindergarten and will be turning five later this year, what a fabulous addition to my life. She is my inspiration to continue fighting for believing that good things happen in the core valuation of our lives.

However, I still have strong feelings that nothing really matters in my own life; I’m curious, does anyone else fight with these thoughts too? This lax or listless feeling, that personal consciousness has already been explored, you’ve been to the depths and survived, why do I need to prove myself? These are deep questions that may require moments of separate thought, right now though, I think most of the public would be happy if I listened to the little voice in my head, then had a shower. First though, I need to write.

I have been studying a Business Law course at the University of Toronto School for Continuing Studies, and I must admit, I actually find contracts and fraudulent misrepresentation invigorating. I think that everything is about a need to find order.

Now I must question, is it not finding order when I get myself ready? I make excuses left and right. Especially since this pandemic has kept most people indoors, are restrictions fully lifted now? Yes, I have been caught spending a lot of time at home and behind walls. I fully appreciate the convenience of Zoom, or other online meeting platforms, that make it reasonably productive to have video conversations.

Grudgingly, I should prepare myself for those too. So, have I accomplished anything with this piece? You tell me.

I’d love to hear any thoughts or recommendations, and if you’ve seen my YouTube presentation, I’d be interested to hear about what works best for you too!

Keep smiling,

Shannon: shanschill@gmail.com, shannon.schilling@mail.utoronto.ca

Twitter: @Shannons_Trial

Substack: shannon.schilling@mail.utoronto.ca